God Thinks I'm More than Disreputable ~ BitterSweetLife

Saturday, March 15, 2008

God Thinks I'm More than Disreputable

For years I was happy with the simple idea that God did more than merely disapprove of me. Of course, he did disapprove--that was incontestable--but there was a mixture of pity and tolerant interest, maybe a certain fondness, like Have you SEEN this kid? The train wrecks he has been involved in are ridiculous. He's a serial train wrecker. I did make him though, and do like the guy, but good God--here he would thoughtfully stroke his own chin--he needs so much work that it would be a lot easier to start over. Still, I did give the world endless second chances, so there is that precedent...

I've advanced beyond this perspective by the grace of God, and know that he loves me strongly, the way I love my sons but infinitely more so, and because of Jesus, he whole-heartedly approves of who I'm becoming (and in a heavenly sense, already am).

On my bad days, though, I will sometimes default back to that early realization which, to be honest, was a victory at the time: to God I'm more than disreputable and incorrigible. He does more than disapprove of me. He has an indulgent affection, like we can have in the movies for a busted criminal with good stage presence.

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Spyder said...

I would like to suggest a book by Paul Coutinho SJ called How Big Is Your God?. Small book, easy read, but very good.

Ariel said...

Thanks for the recommendation, Spyder. I'll look it up.


Culture. Photos. Life's nagging questions. - BitterSweetLife