A Satirical List for Diagnostic Purposes
- For one thing, I can’t wait for Christ to return. My annual income sucks!
- I am not inordinately interested in things of small value. I don’t confuse promotions, college sports, new trends in hiking gear, with life’s mere frivolities.
- I’m not soft on my sin, which is to say, I don't neglect it. I'm concerned for its health and appearance, and the way it dresses.
- I don’t feel any distance from God; I know he’s nearby, as evidenced by these candles and attractive Christian plaques.
- My spiritual life is not driven by a sense of duty or obligation. Well, except for reading the Bible, prayer, and church. But other than these exceptions, nada.
- I’m definitely not chronically bored and restless. I’ve found that snack food and computer games have helped me to escape boredom (praise God).
- It’s a great comfort to me that God hears everything I say and in fact knows what I'll say before I say it. This is a big time-saver.
- The final, conclusive proof of my godliness: Not that I’ll step on your toes or make you feel uncomfortable—but sorry, I am going to say “godblessyou” when you sneeze. Yeah, I’m not backing down from the gospel.