...And I can't resist the Final Four.

UCLA over Florida.

Georgetown over Ohio State.

UCLA beats Georgetown to win it all.

And the Jayhawks win it all next year.

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Jamie has a perceptive C.S. Lewis-inspired post up. She considers Lewis' distinction between contemplation of a thing and direct experience of that thing. They can't both happen at the same time, can they? (No, of course not.) So what does this imply about our relation to God? (Big things.) Surprising application for navel-gazers: We can't contemplate our way to salvation.

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I know you're all waiting for your weekend Aidan fix (credit Lindsay for the mad camera skillz)...




It seemed only fair to give Aidan the bigger weapon to make the fight as even as possible.















Aidan especially liked this tunnel, which showed up the hues of his awesome shirt (of which I am very jealous).





Aidan and I relax before beginning the strenuous hike back to our loft building (in the background).
















Lindsay snapped this shot while we were right in the middle of a serious theological conversation! Talk about an interruption!

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This morning dove was enjoying the coolness of our steel & brick loft building. It was so committed to its siesta that it allowed me to walk up within three feet of it. The bird had its priorities straight.

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I was given an iPod for Christmas by Lindsay's parents. Other than raising my self-esteem to a dangerously high level, my iPod has prompted me to check out some new artists, and I've decided to kindly share a few of them with you. To make this interesting, I'm going to limit myself to one descriptive sentence per album. (Exciting, eh?)



Both melodic (ballads) and rhythmic (pseudo-rap), Mat Kearney's voice is a multipurpose tool backed by great production, which explains why this major label debut album was a smash hit. iTunes:



The Crane Wife, by the Decemberists is a wistful, imaginative, retelling of a Chinese folk tale interwoven with stand-alone songs of love and adventure--and it actually works. iTunes:



The Doves are a Brit rock group with more texture and depth than Coldplay; you probably won't hear them playing in a department store anytime soon, and that's a good thing. iTunes:



Bob Dylan is a blues genius with masterful staying power--if you can get past his legendary raspyness, this latest album is amazing. iTunes:



Coincidentally(really), all the CDs I mentioned are male solo artists or all-male bands...next time I do this I'll remedy that. Enjoy.

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The Daily Kansan has a solid feel-good post up for Jayhawk fans.

Reason to rejoice # 1: Bill Self isn't going anywhere.

Reason to rejoice # 2: KU will still be loaded next year.

Reading this may just put you in the right frame of mind to enjoy the Final Four. (Assuming that you are a Jayhawk fan, and are therefore cool enough to need therapy in order to enjoy the Final Four.)

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Trying Hard to Be Ourselves

When I met up with C.S. Lewis, it was almost too late. I had already spent a double-fistful of years honing a skill we call "self-assertion" on our side of the pond. But Lewis had been there and done that. He brought up the subject more or less in this way: "Be yourself? In God's name, no!" (See God in the Dock, page 286.)

To which I replied, "Well, there goes 20 years of my life. But I think you have a point."

Of course, this exchange took place long, long ago. It definitely happened before last Friday. And since then, I've continued to think about the phantom goodness of self-assertion. What I've discovered is horrifying (or it would be, if I hadn't already given my pride habit the boot).

Consider, for example: Trying hard to be yourself is an inherently self-defeating pastime--like trying hard to make a layup or trying hard to be the life of the party. Cornelius Plantinga Jr. points out, "Much of what we want in the way of happiness, wisdom, and general self-actualization cannot be gotten by trying for it (Not the Way It's Supposed to Be). Why is this so? One reason may be obvious: As the woman who has just dropped $10,000 on psychoanalysis explains, "We don't really know who we are."

Our personalities are rife with facades. We are all sincerely deluded, to varying degrees, about what we are like and how our lives should be shaped. Only God knows what it looks like for us to be ourselves.

Interestingly, personality assessments weigh in very low on God's list of priorities for humans. Rather than telling us to embark on a mystic journey of self-discovery, He orders us to love him with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength. The foremost benefit of obedience is that we discover the inexpressible glory of Christ himself.

A side benefit, becoming ourselves, is mentioned somewhere in the small print. In the end, we will emerge as the full-grown children of God with Christ as our older brother. But we don't get there via self-improvement. God is tricky this way. He keeps narcissists from getting what they want.

This is one reason why "self-assertion" is a bad idea. Like post players trying to be point guards, we end up asserting our imaginary selves, sometimes with disastrous results. Another obvious reason is that our true selves are not really worth asserting. Or, to put it in more hopeful and more accurate language, we do not yet have full access to our true selves, and the selves we do have are not the type of person you would want to meet in a dark alley. The presence of sin in our lives, this evil resident alien, sabotages self-assertion in at least two ways.

A) Sin ensures that the selves we eagerly push on the world are contaminated, lined with faults, delusions and biases like wormy meat. 2) Sin ensures that the parts of us we think are most worth asserting are, more than likely, the parts that we should keep to ourselves, e.g., we work hard to be confident, while in fact we're just being stuck up. Upshot: Love Jesus and be humble.

But there's one more factor to be taken into account: The origins of our pretensions concerning self-hood. Ironically, the twin brother of vain insistency is weak pretending. Both rise from the same source. We are unsure of ourselves--"unstable" or "restless," as Augustine would put it. It happens at birth and as years go by, the world does what it can to make it worse. Ultimately, the cause is spiritual, but the people and circumstances of our lives lend a helping hand. We are "not at home" down here, and it colors everything we do and say.

When we fail to habitually turn to Christ for our stability and rest, this inner awkwardness emerges in viciously divergent forms. We assert ourselves and then we trash ourselves. We put on a brash show and later, we flop in our favorite sins, desperately and weakly. We overcompensate for our insecurity. We think we are all that and we suspect we are fools. Only Christ's grace can get us out of this dilemma.

Where does this leave us? With open eyes, I hope. But God is compassionate; he doesn't intend to keep us in the dark forever. Down here, our role is to obey God, to love and enjoy him like loyal children, and these commands will guide our adventures. But there is hope for our fractured selves. One day, Christ will put us together. C.S. Lewis says it well.

Your real, new self (which is Christ's and also yours, and yours just because it is His) will not come as long as you are looking for it. It will come when you are looking for Him. Does that sound strange? ... The principle runs through all life from top to bottom. Give yourself up, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will save it. - Mere Christianity

We will find ourselves in the end, but not by self-assertion--which is a chancy inner game of spin the bottle. Instead, as we obey Christ more freely, we will become, with blessed effortlessness, more free to be who we are. In Heaven, there will be no need for self-assertion; we will, simply and joyously, be ourselves. On earth, it is futile and even dangerous; self-assertion is a little devil.

Flashbacks: Mystery & Personality in Heaven
The Mystery of Personality

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Today I fought a battle with languor and lost. It wasn't a pitched battle. Fights with languor never are, which is why we typically lose them. Personally, I prefer sharp pain or attacks of irritation because at least then you have a fighting chance.

Languor is an elusive opponent. Trying to get a close look at him means examining yourself (Am I sick? Has my soul been sucked dry of motivation? Or am I just really, really tired?) and everyone knows that introspection is very conducive to falling asleep. It's an elaborate ambush.

With languor, there's the feeling that your brain is packed in cotton and it takes all the energy you possess to just sit down on the couch and open a book and look at several pages without falling asleep. The room closes in and currents of warm air pick you up and the next thing you know, you wake up an hour later, still drowsy.

And I had big plans for today. It's just not fair. Something has to change tomorrow, or I'll be forced to start in with the Severe Coffee Shock Treatment, which has its own share of nasty side effects.

But all this exertion has made me tired. I'm going to bed.

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Tim Keller is that kindly professor who is sympathetic to where you're coming from. He knows that you will probably disagree with his lectures, and he feels for you--but he also knows you're an ignorant youngster who needs to get a handle on the truth in order to graduate.

In a couple articles recently posted on the Resurgence blog, Keller counsels leaders on how to deal with the perennially unpopular and nonnegotiable topics of hell and sin. These are well worth your time.

Teaching Hell in a Tolerant Age: Brimstone for the Broadminded

"People ask, 'What kind of loving God is filled with wrath?' But any loving person is often filled with wrath. In Hope Has Its Reasons, Becky Pippert writes, 'Think how we feel when we see someone we love ravaged by unwise actions or relationships. Do we respond with benign tolerance as we might toward strangers? Far from it… Anger isn't the opposite of love. Hate is, and the final form of hate is indifference.'"

Preaching Immorality in an Amoral Age

Today's preacher must argue against the self-serving pragmatism of postmodernity. The gospel does say that through it you find your life, but that first you must lose your life. I must say to people, "Christ will 'work' for you only if you are true to him whether he works for you or not. You must not come to him because he is fulfilling (though he is) but because he is true."

Tim Keller is thoughtful, discerning and, judging by the ministries of his church in NYC, effective. He also quotes C.S. Lewis in both these articles. :)

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I was already impressed with Cornelius Plantinga's literary flair and theological precision in Not the Way It's Supposed to Be. Now it turns out he deserves additional style points. Check this strong foray into Theology & Hoops:

A basketball forward who does a spin move in the lane and a concert pianist who rips off a fortissimo run in octaves need strength to do these things, but they also need fluidity. They need what we might call powerful relaxation or relaxed power; they need strong fluidity or fluid strength. They are playing, but "playing within themselves." Behind their masterly mix of power and freedom lie hours and hours of painful, sweaty discipline. This is work for play. People who practice spin moves eventually make them part of their game. People who work for years on scales and arpeggios one day begin to play music. - Cornelius Plantinga Jr., Not the Way It's Supposed to Be : A Breviary of Sin

Plantinga effectively describes the purpose of painful discipline in (spiritual) life and beautifully portrays one end goal of sanctification: "relaxed power, fluid strength." He also pigeonholes the qualities that were totally missing from KU's Elite Eight loss to UCLA.

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Learning to Read & Write

I know about Anne Lamott by hearsay only at this point. She is Donald Miller's favorite author and Over the Rhine quote her in the cover notes of their excellent album Ohio. I've also read a couple interviews and articles about her, all of which leaves me with the feeling that she's someone who I want to read first-hand - probably after I finish reading all of C.S. Lewis' books for the second time. Really, that was a compliment. Here are a few quotes to prove it.

Laughter is carbonated holiness. - Plan B

When you're conscious and writing from a place of insight and simplicity and real caring about the truth, you have the ability to throw the lights on for your reader. - Bird by Bird

You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do. - Operating Instructions

Lamott's glib mix of liberal politics and gospel is off-putting, but there's no arguing with the impact of her writing. Like her apparent understudy, Donald Miller, she has voice. She is trying to write about Jesus in a way that makes truth stick in attention-deficit-plagued minds.

Because of my interest in Lamott, I found this article from Touchstone Magazine very interesting. While appreciating Lamott's abilities, writer David Mills has advice to offer:

Judging from her writing, Lamott seems to be someone who has read and observed a lot, but not actually studied anything. She seems to be the kind of verbally gifted quick study who goes to print long before she should, and what she writes is so enjoyable and breezy and personal and sometimes insightful, offering so much with which some readers can identify, and the content so safely what I call "p.c. with modifications" (that is, essentially inoffensive to the liberal mind but with enough quirks and dissents to make it feel a little racy, ideologically), that a huge number of readers love her work, which keeps her writing...

As gifted as she is, I think Lamott would be a much better writer, meaning deeper and wiser, if she stopped to consider such questions. She could stand on the shoulders of giants, and share with her readers what she sees from there. I suspect she would also be a less popular writer, because the answers to such questions, seen from the giants' shoulders, lead you, eventually, to truths that are not p.c.

I don't know if Lamott will ever see the piece, but there's still benefit. Critiques like this are worth the attention of readers and writers everywhere.

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I felt pretty good about my spiritual stature when I realized that I had come to terms with never playing in the NBA. A lifelong dream (well, about two years in high school) had been given up and I was OK. Was this maturity or what?

Then I realized that I still got mad when I spilled coffee on myself while driving. This didn't seem like a very promising indicator, but I doggedly maintained hope that I was fast becoming a Lewis-Augustine-Calvin-like giant of the faith.

And then I got married. Suddenly, all claims re: my maturity were up for grabs...

In his humorously jarring book on sin, Not the Way It's Supposed to Be : A Breviary of Sin, Cornelius Plantinga Jr. outlines the true significance of our reactions to life's little irritations:

We all deal daily with annoyances. The first motorist in a green arrow left-turn lane is often some dreamer who lurches forward like a startled hippo just after the arrow has come and gone. Dental hygienists address older and wiser patients by their first names. We toss sixteen socks into a dryer but get only fifteen back. Such incidents are mere nuisances, and healthy people absorb them like small bursts of extra chlorine in their drinking water. [emphasis mine]

Maybe I haven't arrived quite yet.

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My friend Scott (who is too cool to blog) pointed out to me that Darrin Patrick, The Journey, and their SBC critics just showed up in our local paper, the Kansas City Star. The St. Louis story has made its way to KC. It's always great when the church looks so coherent, mature and serious-minded in print. Positive press like this can only be good for everyone involved.

On a more sincere note, I have a feeling that the mud won't stick to Patrick and The Journey. It doesn't take a whole lot of pointing and clicking to get a perspective on what's going on here.

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I knew the media blackout would have to end.

This morning, for about 30 seconds, the world seemed like a promising place to wake up in. It was Sunday, Lindsay and Aidan were nearby, and coffee was a few minutes away. Then it all came flooding back. The darkness, and anger, the 20 missed layups and dunks, the inability to shoot free throws. At times like this, it's good to know Jesus, because what else have you got?

An afternoon spent lying around in my underwear and cussing at the TV was a big help, but I still wasn't ready to speak about The Loss. My heart still wasn't free. Fortunately, when North Carolina lost to Georgetown in overtime this afternoon, I felt something give way. Relief came out of nowhere.

Suddenly, I heard the birds singing outside and noticed that this whole tragedy had hardly fazed Aidan, who was, at that moment, trying to inhale several Cheerios at once while chugging water from his sippy cup. The Tarheels were gone, Roy Williams would not win another NCAA title, and I knew that now was the time to return to the land of the living.

I'm back.

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Teddies Will Hit Brick Wall



KU and UCLA will tip off in about five hours and Jason King of the KC Star runs down the matchups player by player and declares that the Jayhawks will be victorious.

So what, you say. Of course King wants KU to win. He lives in Kansas City.

To which I would concede, You may have a point. But if you don't have the home town crowd, what have you got?

I have been delaying this moment as long as possible--the moment when I'll simply have to clench my fists and call the final score of this game. I admit that I'm nervous. My friend Will and I used to write insulting NCAA rhymes deriding each other's teams and scrawl them on each other's bunk beds with Sharpie markers. (This was back in the olden days of ALERT search and rescue.) Will is a die-hard Bruins fan. And he is nervous.

All fans everywhere of either team in this game have excellent reason to be nervous. Nevertheless, scores must be called. This will be an ugly, grind-it-out game with spurts of run & gun athleticism. There will be numerous ties and lead changes. But KU will win it.

Jayhawks 74
Bruins 69

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Thoughts from The Radical Reformission

I celebrated the end of my midterms by finishing a book I started before the semester began: Radical Reformission by Mark Driscoll. Previously, I'd read Confessions of a Reformation Rev., which was basically an autobiographical sequel to Radical, putting flesh and bones on the concepts Driscoll spells out here.

I like his framework. With Driscoll, ideology is basically welded to practice with a blowtorch--he's desperate to marry sound thinking to strong action. As such, he comes across as a blue collar theologian/sociologist. He's a student of culture and theology, but you don't get the impression that this is because:

A) He has a lot of extra time on his hands, B) he enjoys sitting in Starbucks reading academic tomes, or C) he was forced to do it in grad school. In other words, Driscoll is the best kind of student. He has a passion for intellectual discovery and an equal passion for making uses of what he finds out--in gritty, hyperbole-ridden, sometimes-bombastic, Luther-like ways.

I like this, and think there's much to be admired in Driscoll's thoughtful audacity. This isn't a real review, but I wanted to consolidate a few of my thoughts and toss out some quotes. What do you think about Driscoll's takes on...

Christians and Culture
One of the underlying keys to reformission is knowing that neither the freedom of Christ nor our freedom in Christ is intended to permit us to dance as close to sin as possible without crossing the line. But both are intended to permit us to dance as close to sinners as possible by crossing the lines that unnecessarily separate the people God has found from those he is still seeking. - Mark Driscoll, Radical Reformission, 39-40

Flipping through a phone book once, I saw one church advertising itself as "Separated" and "Reaching Out to Seattle," presumably much like a boxer reaches out to an opponent with a jab. - Mark Driscoll, Radical Reformission, 141

The Gospels
Some critics of scripture have argued that the differences between the Gospels are contradictions. This could not be farther from the truth. The four gospels simply are similar to your local nightly news. The first three gospels are like local network television affiliates for ABC, NBC, and CBS, which generally report the same stories with some variation in eyewitness accounts and details... John, on the other hands, is more like one of the national cable television newscasts--such as CNN--which have stories that are rarely found on the local nightly news.
- Mark Driscoll, Radical Reformission, 57

Cultural Trends
Isn't it odd that we are apparently becoming a nation of attractive people who sit at home alone at night with our pets, watching television shows about relationships and taking medication for the depression brought on by our loneliness? Meanwhile, our neighbors, whom we do not know, are spending their evenings in much the same way. - Mark Driscoll, Radical Reformission, 82

Postmodernity
Even a cursory reading of the book of Ecclesiastes shows that culture is a stationary bike that each generation climbs on in hopes of getting somewhere only to die and fall off so that the new young stud can take his turn peddling and, like a fool, make pronouncements about his progress. We would be wise to see postmodernity as simply the new guy on the old bike and not mistake cultural change for kingdom progress. - Mark Driscoll, Radical Reformission, 161

Postmodern culture is not something we should ignore, oppose, or embrace; rather, it is simply another culture that we should seek to redeem and transform by the power of the gospel. Indeed, culture is an old whore, and modernity and postmodernity are simply her old and new dresses. - Mark Driscoll, Radical Reformission, 161

Ministry & Sinning (Making Mistakes) Boldly
The problem with my pastoral job is that I don't really know what I'm doing. So I read every book I can find and cling to the Bible like a kid who can't swim but somehow found a life preserver in the middle of the ocean. The principles I've shared with you in this book are things I've discovered while messing up, since I have a tendency to find landmines by stepping on them. - Mark Driscoll, Radical Reformission, 183

Intriguing thing about Driscoll: he connects with thousands of thoroughly "postmodern" young people while being thoroughly skeptical about postmodernism himself. I continue to think Driscoll is worth listening to. Radical Reformission is a fast, engaging read, but it's anything but trite.

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