A Christmas Tree Well Smuggled ~ BitterSweetLife

Monday, December 03, 2007

A Christmas Tree Well Smuggled

A couple weeks ago when Lindsay and I were transporting our offspring out of our building to the car, we noticed a strange poster pinned to the bulletin board. It was a picture of a lush, well-decorated Christmas tree. The caption read, "No live Christmas trees allowed." As if to say, Enjoy this picture of a Christmas tree, which we found online and copied, because it's the ONLY CHRISTMAS TREE YOU'LL SEE THIS SEASON!

We were indignant, than amused. We immediately began discussing how best to smuggle our Christmas tree inside. It wouldn't be easy. But then, given our current management, it wouldn't be that hard. It would be one of those mid-level dangerous tasks, like stealing the secret embassy blueprints in a spy movie: risky, but nothing like a final showdown.

We made our plans carefully. And then, yesterday, the time came. With Aidan's assistance (Asher was wrapped in blankets and was of little help) we chose a tree that was ideally built for quick, silent transportation. It was a good height, nice and full, but with a slim trunk--the stealth bomber of Christmas trees. Because of my immense upper body strength, I could lift it with one arm.

Arriving home, we quickly put our plan into action. Needless to say, with Asher and Aidan for decoys, and with the genius of our clever scheme, it came off flawlessly. We timed it just right. We parked illegally, but in a way you would never notice. Then we grabbed the boys and the tree and moved in.

There was a tense moment as I rushed the tree into the elevator, and we heard the sound of several voices approaching from around the corner. *Close door* *Close door* *Close door* The elevator almost had a heart attack as Lindsay ruthlessly punched its buttons, but the door creaked shut just in time.

Perhaps our plan's most visually impressive moment transpired as we reached our floor and sprinted down the carpeted hallway. Lindsay was carrying Aidan, who laughed hysterically, and I carried Asher and the tree. (It wasn't easy, but is anything worthwhile really easy?) The door was unlocked, it swung open, we were inside. Safe.

The scent of our balsam fir filled the air. The tree happily drank water from its stand, and we glowed with the satisfaction of a job well done. A Christmas tree well smuggled.

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Bernard Shuford said...

Hope ya landlord don't blog...


Ariel said...

I've heard of employees getting fired for blogging, but never tenants getting evicted. I'm crossing my fingers though... ;)

Rick Beckman said...

There's something to be said for an artificial tree. :P

Ariel said...

There's something to be said for an artificial tree.

I agree, there is something to be said: FAKE! :)

Sean McGoldrick said...

What kind of Scrooge landlord tries to ban Christmas trees though?

Steve said...

Actually, Sean, it's a fire hazard issue. If you don't keep the tree well watered, it will dry out, making it easy to ignite.

Artificial, read fake, trees are okay, though.

We'll just ignore all of the pagan history associated with the trees, though. :) j/k Ariel.

Ariel said...

Strangely enough, you can smoke in your apartment (you can also use the stove), but no Christmas trees... This discrepancy added fuel to our rebellion.

gymbrall said...

Strangely enough, you can smoke in your apartment

And suddenly, I understand the ban. Go back down to the lobby and look carefully at the leaves of the tree in the picture. If they look anything like this, it might just be that they don't want people smoking their Christmas trees.

Mystery solved.


Culture. Photos. Life's nagging questions. - BitterSweetLife