For several weeks now I’ve been living a lie. My life has been hijacked by wishful thinking. I’ve allowed fancy to solidify as fact; quixotic ideals have made me disingenuous.
Well, I can’t do it any longer. This crutch—this historical relic with its illusory well-being—it must go.
Faith and reason have collided, and reason has won out. I recant, I recant.
And now I’m updating my All Consuming list.
::
Yes, it’s true: the three titles displayed lately in my sidebar as “current” are really no longer current. They’re no longer strewn on the coffee table. They’re not even piled on my desk. They are shelved, the casualties of summer's end.
As my semester began, I comforted myself with the thought that I could polish off Pascal and Augustine “in my free moments” and wrap up Cortazar during lulls in my lectures. It was childish. Folly. Pure book-élan.
I see that now.
And despite the emotional consequences, I have updated my “currently consuming” list. Sigh.
I am now a sadder but more honest man.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
BookQuake
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5 comments:
I cannot tell you how many times that happens to me. The worst time was when I was going through my "Great Novels" phase. I was in the middle of Moby Dick when I went to Europe. In Rome, at a friend's apartment I started The Brother's K instead of sight seeing (I know, I know)after getting half way through I felt guilty and went to the Basilica my third day in Rome. I finished a great book on modern English and came back to the US. There I attempted and failed to finish both "The Brother's K" and "Moby dick," only to begin "Ulysess." After ten pages of that I picked up Hemmingway short stories and have been happy ever since.
I hope I'm never called on to write my "Started with Good Intentions List" or to compare it with my "Read and Understood List"!
Cheers to that Dr. Zen.
I think we would all be in serious trouble.
The sad thing is, I usually do finish my books. So this latest episode - my good intentions obliterated by my academic load - is a sort of lost innocence.
There's no denying the immediate, morale-enhancing effects of short stories though! But overlyconscious, if you began the Brothers K, you'd better finish it. (Actually, I intended to reread that one this summer as well...)
I know. I guess I wil have to go back to Rome and finish it. Darn.
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