Last night, our next door neighbors began to renovate their kitchen, take about eight showers in a row, mix a gigantic batch of cool-aid, rummage through the cupboards for baking ingredients, and carry on a loud discussion about interpersonal relationships. They did these things simultaneously, and with remarkable stamina, kicking off the culinary/hygienic/relational celebration a little after midnight, and keeping the party alive until after 3 a.m. And they brought in hired help to make the bonanza possible.
OK, we're not sure exactly what they were doing, but that's what it sounded like. About halfway through the festivities, I started pounding on the wall and Lindsay shed a few tears in the hopes that our indignation would penetrate the intervening drywall and lumber. Apparently not.
That's why today finds us both kind of glassy-eyed. I'm 'teaching' my students (German 3!) with the help of resuscitative coffee doses, the strength of which would kill a lesser man. I trust that Lindsay is getting by with the help of a good breakfast (I dropped mine 'facedown' on the kitchen floor; "It's that kind of day") and frequent prayer. I, of course, am praying as well.
Later we will return home and kill our neighbors, concealing the corpses under the floor, ala Edgar Allen Poe - but without the disabling remorse. When the police show up asking questions, there will be no cardiac arrests, only a series of increasingly relaxed yawns. And then we will go back to sleep.
Related: read an earlier Tale of Horror
Monday, January 23, 2006
A Tale of Horror
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8 comments:
Don't forget to use sound-proof floor boards. It should cut down any chance of a moral relapse ;)
It was their madness that drove us. Not ours. That much must be clear to you by now. I would not like to question your sanity; you seem so sensible. I will tell you, again and again if need be, how it began, how it all came to pass, how this silence (so sweet, so golden) came to be. It began at midnight...
LOL.
I hate to use the juvenile "lol"...but I'm only being honest. Comedy is good medicine for sleep deprivation.
Don't forget to drop in to the store on the way home and buy some heavy duty ear plugs or even some noise cancelling headphones. Send the invoice next door.
Neighbors, can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em, but the joy in planning their demise is simply beautiful. Gotta go now, I think my probation officer is at the door. :)
This just in.
Lindsay took our case to the apartment office, lodged an official complaint, and returned with a magic phone number.
When we call this number, at any hour of the day or night, large-armed men in uniforms will appear outside our neighbors' door. We are already sleeping better. :)
The guy out of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was like that.
Y'know, sleep-deprived.
Rob
i think i would go poe on them more cask of amontillado style -- encasing them slowly in brick as they sipped on their cool aid and renovated their kitchen area.
long time, no read. it's good to stop by.
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