Cool For Hire ~ BitterSweetLife

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Cool For Hire

Things were going smoothly yesterday, going really well, until the class discovered I actually knew how to do algebra. After that I was the featured commodity. It was hard work, but my stock rose accordingly.

“What is three times sixteen?”

The young philosopher who had posed the question furrowed his brow, eyes slightly squinty. His sidekick, with smooth pragmatism, reached for his calculator.

I considered. “Forty-eight.”

They looked at me in awe. The pragmatist muttered, “He said it before I could even punch it in…”

Later, students talked about my cool shoes, my cool Guy Pearce resemblance, my general coolness. It’s amazing what paying attention in school has done for me.


::

Spiritual Journey: In the right light, my car appears to be a yellow Honda Passport.
In the right light, my car appears to be a yellow Honda Passport.

The day was not without its minor roadblock, however.

A student’s chances of landing a detention from me are not too far removed from his odds of winning the lottery. However, in one of my classes was a former detention winner who had beaten all the odds and received a slap on the wrist. He vowed that he would have his revenge—later, of course. That’s the cool line in high school; “I’ll make you pay for that…later.” Sure, fine, as you say.

A few minutes later the audacious youngster asked me what kind of car I drove, and not being one to hold a grudge, I said, “A Honda…” Then I had another thought. “A yellow Honda Passport,” I quickly amended. Nearby students quickly affirmed the wisdom of concealing my vehicle’s true identity.

I’m just hoping that Mr. I’ll-get-you-for-this will grasp the distinction between sarcasm and lying. It would break my heart to be accused of deception and unjust reprisal.



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6 comments:

Belinda said...

I am grinning from ear to ear. This is where I must come forward and admit that I noticed your cool Guy Pearce resemblance from DAY ONE! Heh! I've got a good decade plus on you, but maybe I'm not as old and unhip as all that!

That picture of you is the "Memento" Guy P., minus, I hope, the insane tattooed scribblings all over your body.

Whole Wheat Bagel said...

I never considered the Guy Pearce resemblance before. I suppose I can see it.

I've been accused of resembling Martin Short. That I don't see.

If you have to reach for your calculator to multiply 3 by 16, you've got problems. Of course, I race cashiers to calculate my change.

Just be sure your students don't know about your blog, or your sarcasm will be exposed.

Camille said...

ah... brings me back to mah student teaching days. I came out of the class one day to find that my little VW had been moved and a fake parking ticket protruded from under the wiper. It was straddling the sidewalk and was perpendicular to the stall. After I recovered from my initial shock, I was more amused than anything. I cavalierly assumed the football team had a crush on me.

Amusement wasn't the emotion I felt when I found someone (or thing) had let the air out of my tire on another day.

This is why I work with the elementary set these days. :)

Ariel said...

After I watched Memento a couple times, the existential awfulness of life inspired me to begin acquiring tattoos. But about a year later, I started wondering what my grandkids would think. Needless to say, the removal process has been long and painful. I was especially sad to lose the one on my left upper arm - flowing script inside a basketball that read, "KC's finest."

Bagel, you may race the cashier to calculate change...but you're a mathematical genuis. Others of us race the spouse to calculate how many servings of pie are left in the fridge.

The apparent lightheartedness of Camille's story has troubling undertones. I'm thinking about starting to take the bus to work...

Whole Wheat Bagel said...

Others of us race the spouse to calculate how many servings of pie are left in the fridge.

If you like pie, the answer is easy: one.

I'm notorious for taking large slices of pie and cake. If you're going to go back for seconds, why not take it the first time?

Camille said...

hey mr V, this has absolutely nothing to do with this post and everything to do with the innocent question you posted to my blog.

You like photography... maybe you'll get a kick out of my friend Rob's pics-- he's completely analog and inspires me on every turn.

 

Culture. Photos. Life's nagging questions. - BitterSweetLife