BitterSweetLife

I was carrying things inside from the car—a pastime that absorbs much of a husband’s life—when I noticed that Lindsay had left her purse there. Obviously, I would need to bring it in. So I grabbed my briefcase, a random plastic bowl, and Lindsay’s purse, and started toward our apartment building. I had taken about two steps when the extreme awkwardness of my situation struck me.

There is no right way for a guy to carry a woman’s purse. This is all the more true when he is by himself. Conveying it neatly by the two handles is clearly out of the question, and it’s hard to nonchalantly conceal a purse under your arm because then it looks like you’re stealing it. In the end, I grabbed the purse with a masculine disregard for its handles, while keeping it in the open to indicate fair play. I conveyed it quickly and self-consciously to our apartment, hefting it by its “neck”—if purses have “necks.” But you get the idea. Now I am writing this quick note so other unsuspecting men can avoid a very dangerous situation. Be wary, fellows. There’s really no way to come out a winner.