BitterSweetLife

My MSN internet service has been on the lam recently, and, pathetic as it normally is, being dial-up, its new-found status is hard to describe. Indeed, words fail. Not yet resigned to my fate as an email-deflecting, server-repulsing, electronic black hole, I earlier this week contacted one of MSN’s faithful online representatives. My question: How come no emails appears in my inbox anymore, even though I know people are sending them? And how come all my archived and sent messages are gone? And how come MSN quits without warning at random moments? And how come I’m paying for all this?

Below are enlightening moments of our conversation, chosen for their instructional value.

{Syed}
Thank you for contacting MSN Online Support. I am Syed and I will be assisting you today

{Ariel Vanderhorst}
Great

After verifying the problem—which was, essentially, in so many words, in a nutshell, to put it plainly, MSN is broken!—he cut right to the chase. Or so it appeared.

{Syed}
I apologize for the inconvenience caused to you in this regard.

{Syed}
Please stay online while I check my database regarding this issue.

{Ariel Vanderhorst}
Ok

{Syed}
Thank you for your time and patience.

{Ariel Vanderhorst}
Sure

We briefly exchanged pleasantries, but then I caught him with an unexpected query.

{Syed}
I apologize for not being able to access your new emails in MSN.

{Ariel Vanderhorst}
So how do I fix this?

{Syed}
Sometimes this issue is caused due to the migration of your account to a new & better performace server.

Incredible. Had Syed secretly anticipated my question? Or did he creatively compose an answer on the spot? But I wasn’t convinced yet.

{Ariel Vanderhorst}
Does this usually take a week or more?

{Syed}
Areil, I cannot give a time frame in which this issue is going to be resolved

{Syed}
However, I will give you some steps to troubleshoot this issue, which may resolve the issue. However, if the issue persists even after performing these steps, I would request you to wait for sometime till the migration process completes.

{Ariel Vanderhorst}
Ok...

However, I was once again one step ahead. It was time to play hardball.

{Ariel Vanderhorst}
I've already tried reinstalling MSN and restoring my system info

{Ariel Vanderhorst}
This is getting to be a headache

Undeterred, Syed continued with his groveling/apologetic line of attack.

{Syed}
I understand that this whole experience has been very frustrating.

I didn’t go for it.

{Ariel Vanderhorst}
Righto. After all, email is what I'm paying for.

{Syed}
Ariel, I do understand how troublesome this could be and I once again apologize for entire inconvenience.

{Ariel Vanderhorst}
Thanks. So, how are you going to make me feel better about this?

{Ariel Vanderhorst}
That "what I'm paying for" phrase was a subliminal message, in case you missed it.

Sadly, the ensuing remarks confirmed my darkest suspicions. Not only did Syed lack a sense of humor, he whiffed in the competency department as well, as the following remarks indicate.

{Syed}
Please be assured that all your E-mails will be safe and migration will be completed as soon as possible.In the meantime you can access your emails through www.hotmail.com from Internet Explorer.

Meaningless drivel.

{Syed}
I agree that you deserve the service worth your money and I would like to inform you that this migration is done in order to give our valuable customers, a better service.

Poorly-disguised spin.

{Syed}
I appreciate your patience and cooperation in this regard.

Dodging the issue.

{Syed}
In other words this temporary inconvenience is for the betterment of our service and I hope you understand.

Evading responsibility.

{Syed}
I once again apologize and appreciate your patience.

Refusal to pay up.

How much of this could one ridiculously strapped internet subscriber take? Indefinite downtime; continued monthly charges; no remedial action—Few responses would be appropriate in such a situation. None, really. Foolishly, I tried anyway.

{Ariel Vanderhorst}
Unless I'm mistaken, with server issues, the onus rests with the parent company, not the customer's patience. But thanks for the help.

[ The visitor has ended the chat session. ]

Having expressed my impotent protest, I logged off in disgust.

When I later reviewed the transcript of my futile chat with Syed, I was amused to find his wasted attempts to reestablish contact. Perhaps one day he’ll learn that e-apologies can only get you so far in this cutthroat world of customer relations.

{Syed}
Ariel, are you online with me?

{Syed}
I think we are disconected.

{Syed}
I know how frustrating this could be if you are unable to access all your important e-mails. I once again sincerely apologize for the inconvenience caused to you.

Thanks for your kind thoughts, Syed. In the meantime, as I wait for my nebulous “issue” to be resolved in my “undetermined” time frame, Juno is looking pretty good. Shoot, the Pony Express is looking pretty good at this point. MSN, are you listening?